…

— If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

— That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

— When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

— You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

— Stop your swearing and just breathe.

— Remember what we learned in prenatal class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words.

— Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there .