Bob and Ralph go out hiking through the woods one morning. While taking a rest break, Bob stops behind a tree to relieve himself. As he does, he startles a rattlesnake, which bites him squarely on his penis. When Ralph hears Bob scream, he comes running.

“Oh my God,” Bob says. “You gotta call 911!”

Ralph whips out his cell phone and dials. When the dispatcher picks up, he says,”I’ve got an emergency on my hands! My friend just got bitten by a rattlesnake! What can we do?”

“Just take it easy, sir,” the dispatcher replies. “You need to make two small incisions over the bite mark and suck out the poison.”

“I see,” Ralph replies, hanging up.

“What did they say?” Bob asks.

“He said you’re gonna die, man.”